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Vodsquad
6/21/2001
It really does work better when told in person!
terry clark
6/21/2001
there are two sperms swimming around inside of this womans body,after swimming and swimming, one sperm says to the other sperm "man I'm tired as hell,aren't we close to the uterus yet ?",the other sperm replys "hell no, we're not even through the esophagus yet!.
Joe Blow
6/22/2001
John was a long distance trucker, With this weekend being one of the rare times he had a few days off. after going out on the town Friday night, John goes to see one of his friends named Harry who owned a pharmacy. Harry, you aint gonna beleive this , but last night I went out and made a date with two different girls , both tonight, harry you gotta help me, I need a crutch, I need an affrodiziac, hell I need some spanish fly. John ,you know I can't sell you any spanish fly, its aganist the law, but you come on back here behind the counter I'll give you some. Well Jonh did the spanish fly and left, the next morning John walked into the pharmacy door. John looked like like he had been jumped by 6 or 7 niggars. John, what the hell happened to you? you look terrible. You think I look bad, you ought to see this thing ,,,,,,,( whipping out his pecker, It looked like it had been run thru a hambuger grinder ) Harry, I need some ben-gay. BEN_GAY, you put ben-gay on that thing, your dick will fall off.. NO Harry, the ben-gays not for this thing, the ben-gay is for my arm, Neither one of those girls showed up last night !!!!!!!
"WHITFIELD"
6/22/2001
A woman complained to her doctor that her husband never wanted sex anymore.He gave her a bottle of pills telling her to put them in her husbands drink and her hudband would be recharged.
The woman was filled with doubt,but she put one pill in his coffee that evening,that night it was good.The next night she put two in his coffee and the sex was ecstatic!The next night she said "What the hell!!"and dumped in the whole bottle.
Sometime later the doctor called to check on the patients progress.The woman's son answered the phone.When the doctor asked how is everyone doing,the boy replied,"Moms dead,Sis left home,the maid's pregnant,my ass hurts,and Dad is buck naked on the front lawn yelling "Here Rover,come her girl"
dammitman
6/22/2001
And again, I don't care who called the splicer a son of a bitch, I want to know who called that son of a bitch a splicer!!
"WHITFIELD"
6/22/2001
A Man phones home from his office and says to his wife,"I have the chance to go fishing for a week.Its the opportunity of a lifetime.I have to leave right away.Pack my clothes, my fishing equipment,and especially my blue silk pajamas.I'll be home in an hour to pick them up.
The man rushes home to grab everything.He apologizes for the short notice,hugs his wife and then hurries off.
A week later he returns home and his wife asks,"Did you have a good trip, Dear?" "The man replies, Yep,the fishing was great....but you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas."
"Oh ,no I didn't dear ....I put them in your tackle box!!"
hawkeye
6/22/2001
One day Farmer Brown went to see Doc Gray. Doc Gray was suprised to see Farmer Brown, cause since the day he delivered Farmer Brown ( then known as baby brown) He'd only been to see him twice in 34 yrs. Once when he was 12 for a broken arm and once when he needed blood test done to get married. So he says to Farmer Brown, " Whats wrong boy, why ya here, Ya been sick or hurt?" Farmer Brown replies " Naw, my wife sent me cause she says I need a shot or something" the doc asks "what ya need a shot fer boy?" Farmer Brown reply's " Well I aint been able to have no sex with my wife fer some time now and she says if I don't get a shot or something to fix the problem, she's gonna leave me" So the Doc asks him what the problem has been, was he just not interested in his wife any more or was it another women or what. Farmer Brown tells him it weren't none of those, it's just that he's so tired from workin from sun up to sun down everyday that by the time he gets home he's too tired for sex, that the only time he's not too tired is in the afternoons when he's out on his tractor working . So the Doc gives him this advise. He tells him " when you go out to work tomarrow carry your shotgun with ya, then when your feeling in the mood and not tired, just shot of your shotgun and then your wife will know your in the mood and she can come out to the field and ya'll can haave sex. So farmer Brown goes home and tells his wife the Doc's advise and they agree to try it. So the next day about 12 noon, Farmer Brown shoots his shothun off and his wife comes arunnin. Well about a month later Farmer Browns in the Docs office again and the Doc is utterly suprised to see him again. So he asks him " whats wrong boy didn't you use my advise?" and Farmer Brown replies " Ya I used your advise and it was workin out just great, I'd shoot off my shotgun and the wife would come a runnin" So the Doc asks "well whats the problem then boy?" and Farmer Brown says " well it was all great until hunt'n season started and I ain't seen my wife since!" Mrs. Hawkeye
Heavy
6/22/2001
Mommy takes little Johnny to the zoo. As they pass the elephant cage, the elephant has an erection. "What's that, Mommy?" asks the child."Nothing, Johnny, nothing," says the embarrassed mother, swiftly leading him on. A week later Johnny's dad takes him and the same happens. "What's that, Daddy?" "That, son, is the elephant's penis." "Mommy said it was nothing." "Your mother's spoiled, son."
shane
6/22/2001
They had this chinese man out on the bayou skiping rocks,and this black dude walks up and asked what he was doing the chinese guy says talking to my ancestors.The black guy says yeah rightthe chinese man says listen.So sure as shit PING, PANG, WONG.The black dude says let me try the chinese guy says okay.So he threw the rock it said CHIMPANZE
shane
6/22/2001
This crazy ass lineman walks into a tatto parlor and tells the guy he wants a tatto of a hundred dollar bill tattoed on his dick, the dude says man why?The lineman says because I like to hold my money in my hand,I like to watch my money grow,and my wife dont mind blowing a hundred dollars.
