While I appreciate your distain for religious people and the things that they try to ram down our throats, I have learned that, though they truly are well intentioned, they are unimaginably wrong. I know this because I used to be one of those people that I am referring to.
Your quip about Jesus taking the weekend off was funny, but the truth is NOT in what He did. The truth is in what He said. Forget all the things you've heard about Jesus doing, and look at what He commanded His followers to do. Then, and only then, will someone actually meet the real Jesus.
To simplify this, just know, He was NOT executed for what He did...raising the dead, healing people, feeding the hungry, etc, etc...He was executed for what He said.
Read Matthew, Mark, Luke and John...His real story is in there, but you will NEVER hear religious people or groups teach you to focus on what He said. They will have you focus on ANY and ALL aspects of Him, except for what He told His followers to do.